The Question I asked God and His response.

The last few months, I have been questioning God about all the evil in the world and the innocent who are being destroyed.  I am sharing this for two reasons.  One, I know there are many out there who question God and become discouraged when he is silent.  Two, because I want to share his answer with those of you who have been following me.

As a mother, this has been a very heart-wrenching journey.  To have Robyn’s life and dreams snatched away at 13-years-old, was like someone taken a knife to my heart and digging out a piece, leaving an open, bleeding, painful wound.  When my eyes where opened to the ugly truth of what transpired, I became so angry.  I did not realize that instead of God being my driving force my anger had eased its way behind the wheel.  I did not recognize it because I could not take my sights off what the doctor and officials in Idaho conspired to do.

It was disheartening to see Robyn struggle to recover some resemblance of a normal life, knowing that Dr. Garland committed gross negligence and then changed her medical records.  But what I allowed to distract me for about a year was the conspiracy that took place right before my eyes.  I would have never known what transpired had Robyn’s attorney not been arrogant enough to show me a medical record Garland altered and then attempted to coerce me into accepting that I filled it out.

If there had been any doubt in my mind, I would have pulled back, but Robyn never had migraine headaches. Garland added it to the file to cover giving a prescription drug (Zomig) he should have never given to a 13-year-old, and surely not to a patient presenting numbing sensations with no obvious signs of what was causing the numbness.

After realizing what they were attempting to do to the medical malpractice case, I sought out every means of recourse.  I filed a complaint with the Idaho Falls Police when I realized that they had violated a criminal code by allowing the fraudulent information to be introduced into the investigative process as true. I initially attempted to file a report about May of last year, but the police refused to take one. It wasn’t until this year after writing the Idaho Falls City Council that one of the members questioned the responsibility of the police. Consequently, the last time I spoke with the officer investigating the case was in September.  He mentioned a letter that Garland supposedly wrote on October 1, 2007 as evidence of Garland’s innocence.  My reply to the officer investigating the case, “how can a letter written on October 1, 2007 contain information about events that transpired days later?” I haven’t spoken with his since then.

I filed a complaint with the Idaho Bar Association against the attorney representing Robyn for attempting to undermine the medical malpractice case.  The attorney lied before the board during a recorded hearing.  I sent information received from a court reporter verifying his deception during the hearing.  They wrote back, “He properly performed his duties.”

Robyn and I filed a complaint with the Idaho Board of Medicine.  Robyn received a letter on August 21, 2013 that stated the case was open and would be presented to the board and that they would update us every 45-60 days.  We were initially told that the process could take months.  Well, we received a letter dated September 9, 2013 from the Executive Director of the Idaho State Board of Medicine. According to the board, the facts did not warrant formal disciplinary actions and they have closed the matter.

I sent the medical board records that I had and I assumed they requested Garland’s records. Robyn has no record of migraines in her medical history.  The referral from her primary care physician to Garland was for numbing sensations in her limbs.  While at Garland’s office on October 1, 2007, I filled out a document that asked for medical history.  Headaches/migraine headaches was first on the list and I did not check it.  These were just a couple of the documents that conflicted with what Garland wrote in the records. 

I am an educated person. I know how to fill out a document. If Robyn had migraine headaches that lasted all day and had been having them for two months, as Garland added in a letter and the medical records, I would have selected migraine headaches and I am sure her primary care physician would have added that to the referral. 

Thus, my reasoning for asking God, “Why do you allow evil people to hurt innocent people?”  I talked to my pastor and he mentioned to me that Habakkuk presented a similar question to God.  I decided to read Habakkuk.  As I read through the book of Habakkuk, God revealed to me that there were Christians among the deception in Idaho.  Not just those who have misrepresented Him and called themselves Godly to deceive others, but Christians have taken part knowing the deception of the evil doers misrepresenting Him.  He also reminded me that His Grace extends to all of His children.  He gives us all the opportunity at repentance because His desire is that none would be lost.  He also reminded me that when Christians do evil towards their sisters and brothers and refuse to repent, He allows that same evil to consume them.

The Lord also had me to come clean regarding the anger hidden in my heart which I denied to myself.  I imagine everyone else saw it, but me.  I had even prayed for these individuals, but it was not heart felt. I was so angry that I was beginning to not recognize myself. I wondered, “How did I get to this point?” Consequently, my anger became a barrier between God and me.  The more I watched the corruption, the angrier I got, and the harder I fought. I soon lost focus of God even though He was near.

With as much corruption and evil in the world it is easy to strike back with like force, but as a Christian God is the source of my strength and the strength of my life and I cannot respond to evil with evil. I know that God does not forsake his own and I trust in that.  I would have lost hope when I was told Robyn was brain-dead, but he stepped in and asked me to trust him and to focus only on him.  If he had not talked and walked me through that, I would not be writing this blog today. 

I have cut the cords to the anger that bound me and God has restored and renewed the hope that had started to dwindle.  I am putting behind the year that I struggled with the enemy-expecting that truth and justice could somehow be accomplished in their courts and sources for recourse.  I am going to follow the route God had already given me.

As I go forward, I am doing as I have in the past, focusing on him, allowing him to talk and walk me through this.  I will post my progress and hopefully and prayerfully, I will complete what God has commissioned real soon and I will be able to share it with all of you.